Because I’m Worth It

After careful thought I’ve slowly determined when I stopped taking care of the number one person in my life…..ME. I believe it was just shy of 10 years ago. I traded in my skinny jeans for comfy sweats; I quit reading long well written paragraphs that belonged in storylines with twisting plots and turned to the rhythmic cadence of Dr. Seuss. I said goodbye to shaking my ass at dance clubs and settled for occasionally oscillating to Dora the Explorer or the Wiggles. I swapped my high heels and suits for mom jeans and tennies. I was no longer the most important person in my world, I was a mom, with children that needed diapers, shoes, clothes, and god help me, enough playthings to fill a Toys-R-Us warehouse.

I’ve done this for 10 years now; I buy one pair of Shopko jeans, and gasp as I spend $22.00 on them. I’ve had the same pair of sneakers for the past 5 years. My clothes are purchased on the clearance rack, because I hate to pay more when my kids need jeans and sweatshirts.  My summer shoes are all 11 years old and many actually disintegrated when I wore them, on what I now call their farewell tour.

There’s that old saying, When Mom is happy, everyone is happy. So then why as moms do we constantly deprive ourselves of what makes us happy, citing lack of money or time or ambition to do the things that offer us a few moments of bliss?

We will spend that few extra bucks at the car wash for the super-duper wax, but cringe at buying good cosmetics.  We make time to get the oil changed in the car, but rarely time to get a cup of coffee with a friend. Our days off from work consist of taking the kids to Dr and Dentist appointments, but when do we take time to go get a massage or a facial - simply because we are worth it?

With the New Year only weeks away, we are quickly trying to determine what our “New Years Resolutions” will be. I have a list of goals for the New Year, but I’m also going to make that dreaded resolution.  I’m going to make more “ME” time. I’m going to buy new shoes, read more books, get a massage more often, enjoy Chai with a friend, make plans to go out with my girlfriends for coffee or drinks – and actually do it. I’m going to throw the guilt card away. This is not taking time away from cleaning my house or spending time with my kids; its strengthening my mental health, making me feel young and happy, bringing me home in a good mood – which might I add, everyone will benefit from. I’m going to paint my nails, write letters to friends and family, curl my hair and put on makeup (because it makes me feel pretty) and I’m going to enjoy “ME” time. 

The house will always need cleaning, the toilets will always be icky, the laundry will constantly need washing, so by taking a little “ME” time every day maybe I’ll feel a little bit better doing those chores. Maybe I’ll have one less headache, perhaps I’ll be less apt to yell unnecessarily, and it’s even likely I’ll feel better about myself.

And the words “Because I’m Worth It” will be written on my bathroom mirror in red lipstick, (just above the toothpaste splatter).

2012  Here I come – BECAUSE I’M WORTH IT!!!!!!

Winning......by losing

I remember taking an aerobics class, years ago, at the YMCA in Monroe. The instructor started off by telling us to wear loose fitting, comfortable clothes. Good advice, but in retrospect, if I had comfortable, loose fitting clothes, I wouldn’t be starting a massive exercise plan. (When I say massive – it’s really still in the planning phase)

So where am I at? Three weeks into this little adventure I am 4.8 pounds thinner. 

“What? That’s all? Slacker….you suck?” says my inner voice.

“Shut the hell up! Contrary to popular belief fat people are NOT jolly, we’re very unhappy with our belly that jiggles like a bowl full of jelly.  NOT JOLLY,” says my outer voice.

Just so you know, I have many conversations with myself, some I win, some myself wins. 

So – what have I been doing? Mostly visualizing me as a much skinnier me -flat stomach, tiny waist, thin arms, smaller thighs, and a smaller butt. No, this is not some fanciful dream that is unattainable; it was me 10 years ago, so it will be me again. 

To my credit I have been doing swimming exercises in our pool, legs and arms. I’ve been making healthier food choices, but not depriving myself of things I like, just smaller portions. Ooooh and I’ve been using Jergens Natural Glow lotion. Kim Kardashian says a tan body naturally looks thinner.  Not that K-Dash is my life coach, but tan is always better than pasty. I’ve got some sun on my face and arms and ooooh, I bought a pair of jeans that promised I would look 10 pounds thinner.  Sometimes perception is everything and according to Annabelle (work friend) I do look thinner in them.  Best $7.50 I ever spent (clearance rack).

Now I haven’t quite made friends with crunches or sit-ups yet, but I spend at least 8 hours a day sucking in my gut, sitting up tall – so as to elongate my mini-Michelin rolls, and wearing taller shoes.  It gives that long lean impression……at least that is what I see in the mirror.

I plan on getting cozy with the treadmill again, perhaps even the elliptical machine. My goal is to dip down below the 140 mark by Monday.  (Again very attainable)

Can I do it….abso-freakin-lutly.  I find that becoming a thinner me is a lot like quitting smoking.  You really have to want to do it.  10 years, 4months, and 14 days ago I smoked my last cigarette – quit cold turkey.  It was hard, but I did it.  So now I have to really want to be that thin girl from 10 years ago.  It will seem hard at first, but when I get there, I will sit back and laugh and wonder what all the fuss was about.  And what the hell took so long for me to do it.

Duh…..Winning…simply by losing!

Things My Dad Taught Me

Measure twice, cut once – Good advice I’ve used often.

He said it was better to look a fool, than open my mouth and remove all doubt –  I found this helpful, and repeated it in mantra form on the occasion I forgot to use this advice.

He said little girls were meant to be seen and not heard…..Nice try Dad – I’ll let that one slide.

I was his oldest girl, but as hard a worker and as tough as any son would have been.

He taught me sense of direction, by sending me to the shop to retrieve a Philips screwdriver from the north workbench, when it would have been easier to say, “near the clutch press” I knew what that was, but I always know what direction I’m headed – even if sometimes its only forward.

He chaperoned my 8^th grade field trip to the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry – which meant spending a day with a gaggle of 13 year-old girls, who weren’t so interested in the sites – Brave Man.

He even attempted to teach me to drive stick in the little red truck after his knee surgery – really brave man.

My Dad can build and/or fix anything, i.e.… my 1979 Mercury Cougar XR7, that Cheryl and I blew up the engine ….ooops.

Together we built a life size replica Suffolk Ewe, the mascot on my float as Green County Lamb and Wool Queen.  He drove me in countless parades.

He taught me work ethic, by making me put snowmobiles together and shine up the ones in the showroom. I was sent out to dig countless thistles in five acre fields, untangle morning glories from nearly strangled corn, cut hay, disc, mow lawn, and fill the bunk.

He taught me to respect equipment, to think and to problem solve.  He taught me to never wear jelly shoes on the farm, and when I didn’t listen and smashed my toe with a metal fence and a cement block. He taught me how to deal with pain and suffer through the consequences.

                Finger pointed at me, face angry “You will go to your event tonight and walk in those heels like nothing’s wrong,” he growled, as I was off to the Green County Pork Dinner, to help out as Lamb and Wool Queen, with my broken toe in pink pumps – I survived.  

He taught me leadership, to stand up for myself, to believe in myself, and to vote for whoever I thought the best candidate was. He watched me make countless mistakes, and dusted me off when I screw up (which was a lot). He offered advice sparingly and even though my best days are still to come, he’s told me numerous times that he’s proud of me.

                I’ve learned a lot from my dad! Hope you have a happy Fathers day, Daddy – I love you!

Weight Loss by Osmosis…..         

10 years ago I was a svelte 115 pounds. I walked into any store and bought a size small, no need to try it on.  I didn’t need a workout routine, I waitressed.  Always on the go.  I was 30 and loving it, young and beautiful – rockin the size 5 jeans. 

10 years, two kids, and a desk job later…..things have changed.  I buy Shopko jeans, with the make-you-thinner-panel.  I gaze longingly at the small section and go try on the bigger stuff…and occasionally get stuck in a shirt that I was sure would fit, but I will probably have to dislocate my shoulder to get out of.

I gained 60 pounds with Dante, and lost all but 10…not bad. I gained 50 pounds with Isaiah and lost all but 10. Then over the next 6 years I managed to find 15 more pounds.  I am now shaped like an unattractive fruit…. (Pear). I have the dreaded muffin top, the mini-Michelin man rolls, and the ever so come hither cottage cheese thighs….sexy.

I know, if you didn’t know me back then you’d probably say, what’s she whining about? I don’t look horrible, my friend Dawn will tell me, “Your weight does not define you,” and she’s right.  I have no one to impress – I’m married, I’ve got two amazing kids. What more could I ask for? A small pair of jeans, a tiny waist, a flat stomach….. The list goes on.

So what’s a girl to do? Well let me tell you. I own at least 7 get fit videos: Jillian Michael’s, Pilates, belly dancing, yoga…you get the picture.  At least 3 of them are actually out of the plastic they came in.  I own nearly every “As seen on T.V.” gadget you can think of. Exercise balls, weights, resistance bands, pushup thingy’s, Leg Magic machine, and a few ab devices.  Most of which are still in boxes, collecting dust, or used as drying racks for my freshly laundered clothes.

I own multiple diet books: South beach, From Belly Fat to Belly Flat, The Flat Belly Diet, The 17 Day Diet, and Turn Up the Heat is on its way in Saturday’s mail…..apparently sleeping with these books under my pillow does not offer the desired effect.  It is clear to me that I may actually have to get off my arse and workout.  

Oh, did I mention the Fit Flops, and the Sketcher Shape-ups, neither of which has made my ass look smaller, though very comfortable shoes. And if you offered to sell me a stick from your back yard, touting its magical fat removing properties, I would likely pay you top dollar for that mystical devise.

I’ve inquired about getting a treadmill desk at work, but that was denied.  So now I’m going to guilt myself into shaping up. 

Am I obese at 40? No. Do I look horrible? No. But if I keep gaining my average of 4+ pounds a year, come 50 ...things are not going to be so pretty.

Being slender and looking hot, will be a by-product.  Lowering my blood pressure, getting healthy, feeling good about myself, and having more energy to keep up with my monkeys….that is the desired end result.  I’m not looking for a specific number on the scale (personally I’d be happy if it stopped skittering across the bathroom floor when it sees me. Or the grunt it makes when I step on – one person only please – stupid scale) but I do want the reflection in the mirror to smile back at me, every morning. I want to be comfortable in my own skin again.

I'm going to log my progress here, maybe daily, maybe weekly. Check back and see.